


Naked Cake

by iulia_linnea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-18 23:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iulia_linnea/pseuds/iulia_linnea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 5 April 2010 in response to <a href="http://shiv5468.livejournal.com/profile">shiv5468</a>'s prompt of <i>Severus is turning 50 and sulking</i>.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Naked Cake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shiv5468](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiv5468/gifts).



> Written on 5 April 2010 in response to [shiv5468](http://shiv5468.livejournal.com/profile)'s prompt of _Severus is turning 50 and sulking_.

"It's not gray, it's silver."

"There's nothing wrong with my eyesight. It's plainly gray."

"You know, you may be right—and I think you're getting a bit paunchy, as well."

"You bas—"

"Would you two come in here, already?"

"No. Apparently, I'm too paunchy to move."

"You weren't too fat to move earlier. What's happened?"

"He's gone gray in the meantime. It's a great tragedy."

"Fuck you."

"Yes, that was the idea. I'm covered—I have cake."

"I'm too paunchy for cake."

"Even for naked cake?"

"Naked cake?"

"Oh no, darling. He's definitely too fat for naked cake. I, on the other ha—oof! That was hardly necessary, but surprisingly vigorous for a graying man of such a paunch."

"Damn it! This is starting to itch! If you don't come in here, I'm going to call Ron. He'll eat anything!"

"Did you hear that? You've made her angry. Why would you do that, even if it is your birthday? She doesn't like make-up sex."

"Ow! Get off, you bastard."

"That was the idea—and all in honour of your natal day, you fat, grumpy, graying twit!"

"Oh, hello, Ronald! Why, _yes_ , I would like a tongue in my—"

"Hermione, be patient. He's in one of his moods." 

"Don't you dare call that ginger-haired prat! It's my birthday! And I don't have _moods_."

"Oh, that's . . . oh, yes, _just_ like that."

"Did she . . . did she start without us?"

_Swish!_

"What the hell?"

"Oh! Oh, Merlin!"

"I've spelled away your gray, you vain, maudlin, ungrateful sod. Now get in there!"

" _Fuck_ , oh . . . ."

"Lucius?"

"What now?"

"Thank you."

"If . . . I . . . if I have to—oh!—'thank' myself, you're both—fuck—dead men!"

[Cue rush to door.]


End file.
